LW1- You get the drift from the responses. Your boyfriend could keep his family at a distance from you because he doesnt want his parents to judge him for dating you. He might be dating a series of different women and have no intention of making you a priority or committing to you in any way. Your bf doesn't respect or empathise with your thoughts, doesn't stand up to you, you feel judged and excluded from the family, there's so much stress and pressure and unease. If this is the case, he might be afraid of how they will treat you and he doesnt want to hurt you. You call them out when they physically attack people. Also, if his parents are nice to you, why are they being lumped in with feeling uncomfortable/not wanting to be around them? Your boyfriend isn't the guy you should marry. I dont just mean mass shootings. So what happens when your partner doesn't defend you? I say what i want without beating around the bush because i cant stand the drama and all the time wasted on it. It could be your appearance. Especially when that person has anger issues and you insult them. It might be for your own good. Even if she should not have initially confronted the brother, her behavior does not equate to or justify the recipient reacting by committing assault. Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. Then shes surprised that he flipped his shit on her? Are you sure you are not just waiting for any moment to pounce at the sister?? Don't give her so much power. Started Monday at 06:41 PM, By Some men even lie about their sexuality and relationships to their parents so that they wont judge them. Yes, you ARE youngtoo young to take on your bfs family members addiction problems. If she was all that concerned, she could have broached it a different way. Its heart breaking, Im sure, but you have to look out for yourself here. December 2, 2017, 3:16 am. In fact, he might still be seeing her off and on. Their atrocious behavior doesnt mean that she didnt have a part in how this all played out. You will eventually become resentful and he will break your heart. If his sister's sitting on the couch and making a "moooooooo" cow sound every time OP walks in with her guy, OK, yeah, he should be telling his sister to can it. Im sorry youre hurting, and that you will likely hurt for a little while. 1. I'd be too embarassed to get married and not bring anything to the table. Am I being gas lighted? Hi, my (21f) boyfriend (23m) doesn't defend me in front of his friends. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when his friends trash talk me. Even if you crossed a line, Ross is volatile and dangerous. It is NOT her business!! Kitnkabutle what do I do? Cleopatra Jones He is not her partner; he is her bf. This doesn't necessarily mean he's ashamed of you for being you. November 30, 2017, 2:20 pm, Well, this escalated fairly quickly to be sure. Give him a chance to explain. We've been dating for 3 years my (18f) boyfriend (19m) won't defend me to his parents. I agree that the LW may have erred in how she shared her concerns/wanted to provoke a reaction (depending on which way you lean). A man might keep you from his family because he is embarrassed by you. You can talk to your partner about it and express concern. Dead wrong. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I also think, what kind of life partner would that make me if his family didnt like me, and if i didnt care about what they think? Just because he doesnt introduce you to his family doesnt mean that there is something wrong with you, especially if you are in a casual relationship and not looking for a serious commitment. Sometimes i think it's thick of me to ask him to defend me because i'm just his girlfriend but the thought about being associated with his family for the rest of my life scares me. But it can be hard with a sister who painted you in a bad way to the rest of the family and a boyfriend who is unwilling to help me let them see me in a different way by telling his sister to stop. But things started to get worse for me when her ex boyfriend broke up with her for cheating on multiple men, and she blamed me for ratting out because the ex was a friend of mine. His parents might be perfectionists and have high expectations of him. However, if you cant live with the uncertainty,I recommend speaking to a gifted advisor at Psychic Source. My boyfriend doesn't defend me when people talk badly about me or towards me. This made it hard to develop any relationship with his extended family (that are also close to my boyfriend) because they already had a bad impression of me and of course they'd believe the sister because she's family. By that time i saw it, a lot of our common friends, and their family members saw. I find that to be laziness on his part. November 30, 2017, 10:13 am. Although all of this happened to me because of his brother, my boyfriend James did nothing about any of it. I totally agree. I posted something on FB once and she thought it was about her brother (it wasnt) and she posted some smack in the comments. Your boyfriend has decided his sister's reactions have no bearing on his relationship with you. She has issues with her cousin's girlfriends for no reason at all. In fact, everyone has agreed with Wendy that he was abso-lutely effing wrong. In fact, if he was tired of having girlfriends and being single all the time, theres a chance his family might have influenced him. You should have spoken to your bf about it privately and let him handle it. He might have a painful past or an unconventional family. evenworse Your boyfriend is probably defending his ex because he doesn't want you to think she's a bad personeven if she was. L143myself I would never ask my boyfriend to raise hell for me that would affect his family relations. He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was . ), basically how they live their life, on the fourth of fucking July. In the meantime, if you ever know someone again who has a drinking problem or any problem you think its your business to address I would advise you to find a private and sensitive way to do so. November 30, 2017, 1:14 pm. He might be taking his time to figure out how he wants to proceed. You can do a lot better than this. Look at the news. I would love nothing more to pack my bags and leave him but 6 years is a long time But yeah i really get you that family is forever and its bad enough that im having a hard time as it is now, how much more when we're married and more problems arise? This made me feel worse, and more alone. She deliberately threw a bomb. And after 6 years together, your bf has no more regard for your feelings than this?? With the information shared above about boyfriend doesnt defend me to his family , we hope we have brought useful knowledge and the best choices to you. You can refer to, The following summaries about two goats in a boat will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. Its not easy for all of us to perfectly handle our pressures and duty. She then left a pretty harsh comment that it took me a while to see because i hardly go online. If I were James and Ross for that matter Id be super pissed about that. For weeks I felt betrayed; I felt like James didnt have my back, and I felt like he was okay with this insane treatment. Ill take you through it. For me, I have doubts over how genuine the LW is being when she says she was trying to help. Your bf dismisses ur feelings thoNot sure why that's not more of an issue? Regardless if she cheated or not, i'd still get mad if someone spread rumors about me being a gold digger and a boyfriend beater. It may be a complex situation with some of . He might be embarrassed by it. Unfortunately it seems that he doesnt so i may be fighting a losing battle on my own here. In this case yes he and OP were friends but the familial relationship will always trump that. And it hurts. I can take that. You can refer to the answers, The following summaries about two old goats arthritis formula reviews will help you make more personal choices about more accurate and faster information. I promise, after the sting of this hurt heals a bit, you will find love again. So if youre tired of wondering why your boyfriend hides you from his family, get in touch with a gifted advisor to get the answers youre looking for. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. But eh. Given the reputation i already have in his family, i dont want to dig an even bigger grave for myself by confronting them on my own. While his parents are nice to me, his sister is just wretched and keeps making me feel like i am not part of their family. The best way to deal with this is to keep the lines of communication open as much as you can, be respectful of boundaries, ask for clarification when you arent clear what or where the boundaries are, and start dialing back the frequency and the length of time you spend with this little girl (for example, maybe instead of her staying with you for two weeks at a time, you can offer to have her stay with you for an overnight or weekend visit every couple months). Dont be offended. . Thats not going to change overnight, and not if hes not willing. Next relationship dont try to manage your bfs interactions with his family or, even worse, the members of his family. For wives, this is often an issue of respect. Im sorry for that. A case of blood is thicker than water. Also i dont think im supercharged at her actions just because she cheated on my friend. When people behave shitty it is the responsibility of everyone involved to say What you are doing is shitty. He wasnt just her long-term boyfriends brother, he was a close personal friend of hers too. I also agree its not her place to comment on their work ethics. And Ross may have a drinking problem and and anger problem. jwrunner81 This has been an issue throughout our entire relationship. Garland said the U.S. His dad dislikes almost everyone in his life, including me. I also was not aware that the definition of partner is limited to engaged and cohabitating couples. He feels like he owes it to her not to trash talk her to you; after all, she was part of his life at some point. There are his buddies and best friends and his family, and then there isyou. Your energy should be focused on yourself and your life, school, etc. Theyve been together for three years. And I agree that Ross shouldnt have come to her house. And as long as all the adults in the picture are ok with the relationship continuing, then it should. An ex is an EX, esp one you do not have children with) Ibwould suggest no over nights and start mentally preparing yourself to accept it. How do I know, bad breakup. Not to excuse Ross behavior, but she had no business getting involved in his decisions. He even kicked, punched, and jumped on my truck while I was in it trying to drive away. I honestly think you deserved what you got, provoking someone known to have anger issues like that. Our relationship isn't perfect (not many are). And now she constantly passively aggressively makes it a point that im not part of the family. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. 3. Hannanas She keeps pointing out that i am not a part of the family. I wouldn't tolerate a SO that told me they were in my side "by correcting" me. The fact is that hes not emotionally ready to bring you into his life completely. His reaction is so out of proportion to her comments. Do you know if he has weapons? Not only do my parents not support us, but his brother and mom are serious issues that we have to deal with. Place to articulate your future. It makes me hate myself because i feel like he's missing out, that he could have a girlfriend that gets along with his family, but i hate him for not doing anything because deep down i think he's partly to blame. 5. Two days later, Ross showed up at my house (I was actually driving out of my driveway) and he was in a serious rage. Your question is one about appropriateness, and while the situation is certainly more complicated than it was before you son and his girlfriend broke up, its not really as complicated as you might think. Ugh. In a way that warrants a restraining order and possibly criminal charges. 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